The other day I stepped on the scale and when the number 176 popped up, I nearly choked.

I’ve always been a health conscious and active lady, and in the past three years my body has done amazing things for me.  It has climbed mountains, skied double black diamonds, run a marathon and countless half marathons, and has been an avid yogini. Yet somehow in the last year, my body’s weight has become a complete downward spiral, or should I say upward spiral?

I could feel control of my weight slipping away from me and as the number on the scale slowly inched its way up, I continued to make excuses.  “It’s only a couple of pounds” I would say as the scale started tipping in the wrong direction.  “ I deserve this extra treat”, I would think as I poured myself a big glass of wine after a long day or ordered French fries instead of salad with my veggie burger.  “I’m really beat today, I can just go home and rest instead of going to the gym” I’d tell myself while preparing a big snack.  Small concessions like these over an extended period of time added up to one big weight gain and in the past 2 years I gained 30 pounds, 20 of which were gained in the past year.

When I was living at my goal weight of 145 I was between a size 4 and 6, and clothes looked great on me.  I had endless energy, and most importantly – I felt great about myself.  Now, I’ve grown out of all of my clothes, I’m tired most days, and quite frankly – I feel like shit.  I want to lose weight for my health, and so I can run at a sub 7 minute mile pace, but most importantly I want to feel good about myself once again.  I miss the “skinny” me and I’m most looking forward to re-gaining the confidence that was lost when the pounds were packed on.

My contributions as a Fit Approach writer have been limited as of late. I felt like a fraud writing to a group of active, healthy women when a number like 176 popped up on the scale.  I considered continuing my silence and keeping my articles limited to a new recipe or beauty secret and living secretly in this online forum with the extra pounds. However, after thinking it over, I came to the decision that keeping silent would make me an even bigger phony.  So instead of staying quiet and continuing to live in shame, I am publicly making the commitment to lose the weight and  to take responsibility for my health and my well being. I realize that many people are going through the same struggle on a daily basis and I’m hoping that we can go on this journey together.

145 or bust, with all of you as my audience.  Because I can.