It doesn’t really matter when we get it, just that we do get it at some point before we die. Obviously if we get it sooner than later, we and those close to us enjoy the rewards.

I got it two and half years ago and I am grateful that I did.

I am a recovering alcoholic and to stay straight about things in my head, I run. I find, just as your thoughts can sink you, they can also keep you afloat when it feels like you’re drowning. My “Aha Moment” comes in two parts.

I thought I was happy and I guess I was, it was just an unfulfilled kind of happy. The kind of happy that lasted until the alcohol wore off. I had family, a home, friends and a job. If those are the pieces that make a happy picture, then I had a portrait.

But I didn’t. Happy doesn’t come from external things, other people or a bottle when the problem is internal. I drank as many drinkers do, to cope with the internal stuff.

There’s some stuff from when I was a child that I don’t talk about, there’s my Mom’s sudden death at 47 years old, when I was five months pregnant with her first grandchild, there’s parenting my now, nine year old (just recently diagnosed) autistic daughter, there was a job that was full of stress and liability and I held it all together by soothing myself with alcohol.

The first of my “Aha Moments” came after I missed a parent/teacher meeting because I was drinking and had forgotten. My husband took care of it as he always took care of all the things I couldn’t or wouldn’t because I was drunk. When he came home from the meeting, he suggested I think about sorting out the drinking patterns that had become such a crutch for me. In that moment I saw a sad version of me and my potential life. This vision included the loss of my home, husband, kids and employment.

In the next week, I experienced an event at work that was more stressful than usual. I was a Labor and Delivery RN with 10 years experience. Most people hear this and immediately gush over what a happy job I have and on some days they would be right. This particular day, they would be wrong. When things are bad in a L&D unit, the stress is amplified. With 10 years to my credit, I could handle anything, but on this day, I went home from work and drank.

I was still drinking the next day and had no desire to stop even though I had to work that night. I placed a sick call to work and kept drinking. I was trying to drown out the distress I felt from work, the loss of my Mother, the shitty job I was doing as a parent, the absent wife I was and the overweight, unhealthy, alcoholic I had become. I knew I didn’t want to lose everything I loved, I just didn’t want to face the emotions and difficulties that came along with all the things I loved.

I did confide in my Doctor, with my husband by my side. That was the day that gave birth to the new life I enjoy. There have been many struggles over the past two years, but I have gotten through them by being strong and healthy and supported by a solid group of people that love me whether I am good, bad or ugly.

The second part to my “Aha Moment” could only have been made possible through sobriety. Instead of drinking, I run. When I feel bad, I run farther. Running has been my AA, and for me it’s working. I needed all the benefits of exercise to help me build not only physical strength, but emotional and psychological fortitude as well.

I eat a plant based diet, I drink 4-6 litres of water a day, I get plenty of rest and I run. These are the changes that have kept me sober. I have gained a positive attitude and lost 40 pounds. I have changed my nursing job. I have embraced my daughter’s uniqueness along with the challenges her diagnosis brings. I appreciate all that I am and all that I have.

These really are the best “Aha Moments” because they are the strong foundation from which everything else is built upon in my life.